Internal and External Relationships

The most important lesson that a person can learn of relationships is this: We often mirror our internal relationship with ourselves through the way we relate to other people. We may think that they are not the same as we are looking at a different point of view.

Why do we say that? Let us take a deeper look at what are relationships? And the answer is simple, relationships are your thoughts about people. Whatever relationship you have with people all takes place in your mind. Be it loving someone or even hating them, you are the one who calls the shot. You are the judge for it and you have the final say in things. there is the possibility that the other person may have a complete or even opposing view on the relationship between the both of you, but remember, your interpretation of how and what the other person thinks of you are also your thoughts; you are still the one controlling that particular view point. So your relationships with people are basically what you think of them and what you think they think of you. That is it. It is all concluded internally.

So until you realized that all your relationships are really your perception and only your perception of them, you would not carry an accurate road map on your journey in improving your relationship with people. The good news is this, once you acknowledge this the door opens up and you can start working on the relationships you have with people by working on the internal relationships within yourself.

Let’s take on a practical approach to see how your internal and external relationships are inter-related. Take a pen and paper and write down all of the reaction that you have about other people. Generate at least 50 of them to have a good feel of it. For example if you think that your boss is a poor leader and you dislike him because of that, write it down. Or maybe you are a very neat person and your wife is messy in nature and every time both of you would argue on how the room should be like, write it down.

After you have done your list of 50, read through the list again. This time take the honest evaluation of these unhappiness, you may find an interesting trend that all the complains you have for other people are really complains about yourself. Could it be that you dislike your boss because your own leading capabilities are not there yet? Take the time to work on your leadership capabilities and notice if your perception of your boss turns better or worse. If it did then isn’t it strange that by working on you the other person actually “changes”?

Know that the complaints about others are truly only complaints about yourself are something that can be hard to accept, but there is a good point about it. Your relationship issues with people are lighthouse that show you the areas that you need to work on. It also means that by knowing more and interacting more with others, you inevitability know and understand yourself better. It can be the purest feedback mechanism that you can get in the market.

It is our believe that the path to unconditional love comes from within when you are complete about yourself. If you can forgive, appreciate and love all of yourself, you would be able to forgive, appreciate and love all other people as who they are. The more you work on your internal conversation, the more your relationship between people will improve.

Learning to Let Go of Relationship

Relationships are often difficult to let go because of our emotional attachment to them. Most of the time, we know that there would be times where letting go

of a relationship would be the best option, or even the only option. However, sometimes we are just not willing to let go of a relationship because we do not

want to face the pain. Or it could be that we are clinging to every little hope that we have that things might just turn out fine eventually. But, how often

does the pain come back to us during those lonely nights where our pillow is our only companion?

Even if you are in a bad relationship, as much as you do not like to admit it, there is a tendency to hang on to it and drag on even though you can sense

that it is not really going to work out. Hanging on to a relationship, be it good or bad, is a common thing that most of us would do and yet, it is one of

the most damaging actions that you can hurt yourself with.

Let’s take a look at the ways you could have done in the relationships:

Did you try to sort things out and rescue the relationship?
Did you sacrifice and “give in” so as to “save” the relationship?
Did you try talking things out?
Did you try consulting your parents, friends, psychitrist or even your dog?

If you have done what you need to do in a relationship and yet things are still not going well for the relationship, maybe it is time to seriously consider

the possibility of letting go of the relationship and move on.

Usually, people think that letting go of a relationship means to accept that there are no other possiblilities to save a relationship or to make it better.

However, here’s the secretto let go of the emotions we have for the relationship;

It is not about:
Stop calling the person;
Stop meeting up with the person;
Stop working with the person;

Neither is it about:
Disposing him/her from your face book account;
Disposing his/her photos
Desposing the jersey that both of you brought together.

Remember that both of you have different views on thing, which is why some things did not work out. Nobody is truely at fault and by holding on to the

remains of your relationship: The love, the hate, the anger, the sadness, the resentments, the pain, and the jealousy, can you say truthfully that you have

let go of the relationship? Even if you did burnt down your home, these emotions are always deep within you and would surface time and again in future

relationship if you do not let go of them.

So let go of your emotions that is tied up with your previous relationship, understand that by doing so you open up new doors for a new relationship.
Let this be your first step to gain a lifetime of happiness and love.