Internal and External Relationships

The most important lesson that a person can learn of relationships is this: We often mirror our internal relationship with ourselves through the way we relate to other people. We may think that they are not the same as we are looking at a different point of view.

Why do we say that? Let us take a deeper look at what are relationships? And the answer is simple, relationships are your thoughts about people. Whatever relationship you have with people all takes place in your mind. Be it loving someone or even hating them, you are the one who calls the shot. You are the judge for it and you have the final say in things. there is the possibility that the other person may have a complete or even opposing view on the relationship between the both of you, but remember, your interpretation of how and what the other person thinks of you are also your thoughts; you are still the one controlling that particular view point. So your relationships with people are basically what you think of them and what you think they think of you. That is it. It is all concluded internally.

So until you realized that all your relationships are really your perception and only your perception of them, you would not carry an accurate road map on your journey in improving your relationship with people. The good news is this, once you acknowledge this the door opens up and you can start working on the relationships you have with people by working on the internal relationships within yourself.

Let’s take on a practical approach to see how your internal and external relationships are inter-related. Take a pen and paper and write down all of the reaction that you have about other people. Generate at least 50 of them to have a good feel of it. For example if you think that your boss is a poor leader and you dislike him because of that, write it down. Or maybe you are a very neat person and your wife is messy in nature and every time both of you would argue on how the room should be like, write it down.

After you have done your list of 50, read through the list again. This time take the honest evaluation of these unhappiness, you may find an interesting trend that all the complains you have for other people are really complains about yourself. Could it be that you dislike your boss because your own leading capabilities are not there yet? Take the time to work on your leadership capabilities and notice if your perception of your boss turns better or worse. If it did then isn’t it strange that by working on you the other person actually “changes”?

Know that the complaints about others are truly only complaints about yourself are something that can be hard to accept, but there is a good point about it. Your relationship issues with people are lighthouse that show you the areas that you need to work on. It also means that by knowing more and interacting more with others, you inevitability know and understand yourself better. It can be the purest feedback mechanism that you can get in the market.

It is our believe that the path to unconditional love comes from within when you are complete about yourself. If you can forgive, appreciate and love all of yourself, you would be able to forgive, appreciate and love all other people as who they are. The more you work on your internal conversation, the more your relationship between people will improve.